Review: Absolutli Goosed in St. Louis

"I had never tasted anything so cool and clean. They made me feel civilized."
- "A Farewell to Arms" protagonist Frederic Henry’s description of his just-consumed three martinis

In the alcohol treatise “Martini, Straight Up: The Classic American Cocktail,” author Lowell Edmund attempts to define what this sublime cocktail communicates, somewhat successfully arguing that the martini is seven things: American, urban, high-status, a man’s drink, optimistic, the drink of adults and belonging to the past.

New South Grand watering-hole Absolutli Goosed gives visitors to this diverse St. Louis area a chance to see for themselves. Is the martini a mere cocktail, or all of the above? (Only contemplate after two.)

Whether they know it or not, co-owners Melissa Spear and Deb Ransom nearly captured all seven of Edmund’s points when they converted the old Re:Generation space (near the corner of Wyoming and Grand) into their lounge. Then again, when the martini menu consists of more than 60 selections, can common points regarding the cocktail be pinned down at all?

The scene …
For a place that’s been around only since May 3, Absolutli Goosed seems to already have an established yet growing clientele of 30+ urban professionals. Dress varies. People come in everything from shorts to suits, jeans to skirts. Nonetheless, most visitors (not all) can be placed into three categories: the neighborhood regulars, the restaurant transients or the couples. With the bustling Grand streetscape and an eclectic clientele, it’s one of the best places in town to people watch. Grab a corner table facing Grand and take in the show, both inside and out.

Spears and Ransom take pride in the growing neighborhood of South Grand. They not only work there, but live there. Thus they, as well as all AG employees, enthusiastically welcome all visitors to the bar. Their friendliness has paid off, as the lounge has fostered growing groups of regulars. “We have neighborhood locals walking in all the time,” said Spears. Nonetheless, the regulars are as varied as South Grand’s quirky shops. Young, old, older, white, black, Asian, gay, straight.

Close proximity to a half dozen South Grand restaurants leads to many groups stopping in for a before or after (or before and after) drink. These foodies (many times 45+ in age) peruse the menus, choose their cocktail and hit the street in under 15 minutes. In a great working relationship, Pho Grand’s table beepers work on the AG side of the Grand. The businesses complement each other quite well. Bi cuon and gin … nice.

A couple, smartly dressed, discreetly drink their cocktails between sideways glances and soft laughs. They keep to themselves, but add to the intimate feel of the lounge. In fact, Spears likes to describe AG as a place perfect for a date. “You can sit down and have a conversation here,” she said. “It’s intimate.” This is no meat market with thumping house music.

Open seven days a week, the lounge is busiest on Fridays. Weeknights see a mini-rush at 6 p.m., then things calm until 9, when they pick up again. In the near future, on Sundays at AG will host “Benefit Sunday for St. Louis,” when a portion of the proceeds will benefit three or four small local charities.

The look …
Two words: understated and subtle. AG’s décor of soft red walls above a mostly black tiled floor puts one at ease. No loud colors to speak of. An under-lit glass bar top offers a handsome resting spot for elbows and cocktails. Candles, track lights and small swooping light fixtures illuminate the bar’s only obvious conversation piece: the large painting opposite the bar. Local artist Mike Pagano painted a soft-hued mural of celebrities and images separated by faint brushstrokes. Look for Sean Connery, Duke Ellington, Mae West and a cocktail shaker, among other icons.

No video games, no billiards, no foosball and no Bud signs.

A classic collection of Motown, jazz, R&B and Sinatra (naturally), quietly broadcast from a CD-player behind the bar, completes the lounge ambiance.

The drinks …
For the first half-century of the martini’s life, gin was the primary ingredient, but beginning in the late ‘60s, vodka began to eclipse gin in popularity. AG’s menu of more than 60 martinis belies that fact; at least 40 are vodka based. Because vodka (by true definition) has no distinctive character, aroma or taste, Spears and Ransom mix and mix and mix. Hardcore martini fans may argue they aren’t martinis at all.

Flavored vodkas (Stoli Vanilla, Skyy Blueberry, Absolut Citron, etc.) mixed with other heavily flavored liquors form the base for most martinis. All are six ounces and range in price from $5.50 to $8.75. Names show a keen sense of humor and pop culture: Bugs Bunny in Drag and Limey Bastard (to name a few). Traditionalists can order their choice of gin or vodka, garnish and dryness. The garnish list is extensive, so choose carefully. Six cosmopolitans (eight ounces) run $7.50 each.

The bottled beer list - $2.75 for domestic and $3.50 for imports - changes periodically but covers all the bases. Choose from AB products, Newcastle, Labatts and Dos Equis Amber.

A small but impressive wine list offers reds, whites and dessert wines from California, France, Germany, Italy and Australia for $5 to $6 per glass. Bottles are sold at around four times the per-glass price.

A small appetizer menu offers a chicken and vegetable quesadilla, a fruit and cheese tray, crudités and a martini glass full of assorted olives, each for under $8. The Mullen Creek dessert menu includes chocolate pie, cakes and tarts. Each is $5.25.

The verdict …
For a 30+ urban crowd with a genuinely eclectic South Grand feel, sparse yet smooth décor and a hulking drink menu, head to Absolutli Goosed.