How to talk like a wine snob

What do “easy fruit,” “gravel,” “chewy” and “a serious hint of used bedroom sheets” have in common? They’re all tasting notes used by wine professionals. Personally, I would hesitate to uncork a wine that offers a hint of used linens on the nose, and I don’t want to chew a wine. I want to drink it. Here, how to interpret a few haughty wine words so you can talk the talk when the sommelier approaches your table. Ordering the bottle is up to you.

Backward
Hugely tannic and out of balance.
This wine will never be ready to drink.

Barnyard
Smells like a chicken coop. Well,
perhaps not that bad.

Brambly
Fruit cocktail. Think Juicy Juice with thorns.

Monolithic
Singular, the opposite of complex,
one clear flavor.

Petrol
Gasoline. Yes, really. Fine for an
aged riesling, but nothing else.

Sanguine
Bloody, iron and very saline.

Scorched earth
Take some mud and burn it in a
fire. Take a sniff.

Scrubby
Smells like bushes. Usually a
disjointed wine with a lot of
green herbaceous stuff.

Seashells
Briny and crystalline.

Slutty
You will be drunk – very, very drunk.