The Sin of White Zin

Note to those reading this column: I have a few years’ experience in the wine field and need to share something very close to my heart. Sit down for this, because if you are a beginning wine drinker this may be a little hard to swallow (pun intended). Are you ready? Okay. Here goes. I have spent the last month trying to create an automobile engine with the capability to utilize White Zinfandel as an alternative fuel source. After years of trying to save people from a lifetime of drinking this abomination, I felt it might be the best way to remove it from the wine lists and wine shops around town. The truth is White Zinfandel will never be considered a great wine; therefore we (collectively) need to wean all drinkers from it. I have even hired a young enthusiastic congressional lobbyist for my cause in the hopes that Congress will heed my advice and issue a cease and desist of all purchases and consumption of this supermarket swill until my automobile is up and operating. However, it seems that between Enron, national homeland security and their own personal scandals, they have their hands full. I have to admit that I have become a bit distraught with trying to secure a billion dollars for my project and decided that this column may have a better chance of success in my endeavor. You will be much happier in your new life. Life beyond White Zinfandel is extraordinary. There are so many wonderful white wines in the market. Better yet, the summer is the best time to explore these options as many of the nation’s red wine drinkers have switched to whites. I’ll admit something happens to my palate during the summer months that send me searching for more delicate flavors and subtle nuances. I even steer away from many of California’s big, oaky, confrontational Chardonnays. The summer finds me in the solace of delicate whites from Italy, Germany and France. Summer screams for thirst quenching white wines - but not for White Zin. Here’s my “Summer Wine Guide for Anti-White Zinites and Those Looking for Life beyond California Chardonnay.” Stop by your favorite retailer or restaurant and check out some of these great tastes. Riesling - The other white grape. Take a close look at a wonderful grape with the unfortunate identity crisis. Mass-produced wines such as Blue Nun have tainted many people’s images of this grape and tarnished many of the so-called professionals with the notion that sweet or slightly sweet cannot be synonymous with high quality. Riesling has a chameleon quality to it that reflects characteristics of both the region and climate it was grown in. Germany is indisputably the King of Riesling, offering a myriad of flavors, price ranges and levels of sweetness. Drop 15 bones on a bottle and taste it again for the first time. Alsatian Whites - Alsace whites are great alternatives to White Zin. They offer a load of floral, lychee, spicy, citrus and grapefruits. Gewürztraminer, Pinot Blanc, Pinot Gris, Riesling and Muscat offer characteristics that are undeniably Alsatian and often under-rated. Sauvignon Blanc - Sauvignon Blanc has made huge progress in the last couple of years, spurred by a cult following of New Zealand producers, who hit the market with lush grapefruit, kiwi and melon flavors. Grab a bottle of New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and compare it with a Sancerre (a French wine region known for Sauvignon Blanc). Italian Whites - Italy is another great region for some classic light- to medium-bodied whites. Check out the Verdicchio, Vernaccia and Pinot Grigio for those hot summer days. All offer crisp, clean flavors that mesh well with sitting on the patio in the sweltering sun. There is the old saying among red wine fanatics that a white wine would be red if it could. I’ll have to disagree. Strongly disagree. There is a new saying that White Zin would be good if it could, but it can't, so it won't. But they'll still spend millions marketing it this year to try to keep you buying. And if this column doesn't help, my letter-writing campaign to Congress begins next month, whether or not I can figure out how to convert my car engine.