Something terrible has happened. Your plans to solely shop online have backfired. You must go to the mall. You have no other choice.
What to do? Hitch a ride to your mall of choice and start your shopping with a drink. If after visiting a store or two, you’re already feeling like an Angry Elf, stop what you’re doing and go get another. Repeat as often as necessary until your ride returns to rescue you. So what if you drunkenly bought yourself an Xbox instead of that Ann Taylor sweater for your mom? At least you made it through the day without strangling someone.
While not inclusive to every shopping center, here are my mall-drinking picks. Add your suggestions in the comment section below; after all, we’re in this holiday giving business together. The only rule is that the drinking establishment must be within the mall’s walls; no one needs to be walking around a parking lot filled with shopping-induced, stressed-out South Pole Elves – that’s just dangerous.
The Galleria: BlackFinn American Grille – Greyhound This classic features Grey Goose vodka and freshly squeezed grapefruit juice. Simple, fresh and sure to put a spring in your step.
The Meadows at Lake Saint Louis: BC’s Kitchen – Dinner With The In-Laws While not technically within a mall’s walls, BC’s is certainly within the parameters of an outdoor mall (and it has some of the best cocktails in town). Dinner with the In-Laws features Orangerie scotch, Pierre Ferrand Dry Curaçao, white crème de cacao and lemon. The spiciness of the scotch is tempered and balanced by the crème de cacao and the curaçao, while the lemon gives it a clean finish. If you stop at the outlet malls on your way to The Meadows, reward yourself with a second round.
Plaza Frontenac: Canyon Cafe –Top-Shelf Conmemorativo margarita
Fresh limes, Grand Marnier and Sauza Conmemorativo tequila make up this straightforward and just about perfect margarita. The menu says there is a limit of two, which I normally find annoyingly kitschy, but with this one, The Canyon errs on the side of wisdom. The drink is served with an extra shaker, so really, one margarita turns into two and a half. Go for two of these bad boys, and the next thing you know, you’ll be sitting on Santa’s lap. Since Plaza Frontenac employs the real Santa (Have you seen this guy? Best. Santa. In. Town.), this will undoubtedly land you on the naughty list.
Chesterfield Mall: Houlihan’s – Boulevard Double-Wide IPA
While not a cocktail, at 8.5 percent ABV, this large-format hoppy IPA will have you feeling relaxed in no time. The menu calls it a sharing beer and ’tis the season, but when you’re holiday shopping, all bets are off; order one for yourself.
West County Center: J. Gilbert’s Wood-Fired Steaks & Seafood – J. Gilbert’s barrel-aged Manhattan Everyone’s doing Manhattans these days, and there’s a good reason why: They’re not only delicious, they’re perfect for cold weather. And stiff. That’s always nice, too. In this one, Maker’s Mark, sweet vermouth and orange bitters are house-aged in oak whiskey barrels and topped with Amarena cherries.
This article appears in December 2013.